As the title of this post might suggest, on Saturday I went to see Joel and Ethan Coen’s latest offering, Hail Caesar!. The movie follows Hollywood fixer extraordinaire Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin) as he tries desperately to keep Capitol Pictures studio’s brightest stars out of trouble (which may or may not involve the kidnapping of one George Clooney.) Here’s what I learnt during my cinematic journey:
- You don’t need a nasty, cheap sketch show as an excuse to produce sketches. The movie is basically a load of ‘bits’ sewn together by a plot which transports us between the different sets of a film studio. Much more intelligent than your typical comedy cringe and I laughed a lot more.
- For a movie that’s bagged so many huge stars (George Clooney, Josh Brolin, Ralph Fiennes, Scarlett Johansson, Tilda Swinton, Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill etc.), it is not in any way a movie that is about how many huge stars it’s bagged. This makes for a far better movie than one who’s determined to smack you in the face with celebrity cameos left, right and centre *cough*Zoolander2*cough*.
- I could watch hours of synchronised swimming. I couldn’t actually say how long Hail, Caesar!‘s synchronised swimming scene lasted. It felt a bit like there’d been a tiny drug planted in my popcorn that had thrown me into a trip of bright colours and mermaids. I must have only regained my senses when mermaid Scarlett Johansson angrily tore off her mermaid tail. Or maybe not…
- The Coen brothers can collaborate a little or a lot to whatever film they want, but the movies where it’s entirely their show are the best. This one isn’t even the best. But it’s still great.
- If Hobie Doyle (Alden Ehrenreich) asked me on a date and turned his spaghetti into a lasso and caught my finger, I’d be ok with it.
- I knew this already but people talking in cinemas need to do one. If your child is too young to understand the film then don’t bring him/her with you. If you want to have a natter, don’t waste money and time on cinema tickets. You should all stay at home where you can’t stress other cinema-goers out to the extent that they’re genuinely concerned about their cardiac health. When I went to see Room the other week (the BEST film I’ve seen in years) I did something very unlike me and shushed a couple to my left that were having a conversation in actual outside voices. It’s getting to the point where if one more person harshes my mellow I won’t be held accountable for my actions.
- If the movie industry is anything like it’s portrayed in this film I would not be surprised at all. I sort of hope it is and that one day there will be an explosive Hollywood episode of Panorama that shocks the whole world and exposes all the communists that have kidnapped megastars. I would be so into that.
- George Clooney is totally amazing at playing the part of a totally rubbish actor. I almost believed for a second that he was generally just a rubbish actor. Until the bits where he was acting as the actor and not acting as the actor acting. Alden Ehrenreich is also very, very good at this.* I actually think I could be totally amazing at playing the part of a totally rubbish actor but I get concerned that I’d also have to be a totally amazing actor not playing the part of a totally rubbish actor. I’d just be totally rubbish and everyone would see through the act. I think I’ll leave it to Clooney.
- Channing Tatum makes everything better. EVERYTHING. Full stop the end.
- *Who knew repetition could be so funny [plz see vid for further details]
Aside from the company of Hollywood’s finest, I also spent some time with my family and friends in Cheltenham this weekend. Sometimes you just can’t beat home. And my mum’s cakes. I’m so glad you’re having fun and I cannot wait for you to make me churros. Thanks for offering. I’m going to make a cup of tea and dream about churros. And mermaids. With Hobie Doyle singing Lazy Ol’ Moon.
ps. google ‘Channing Tatum no dames’. You’re welcome.